Fear lurks inside me

I am frightened by many things, worst of all cockroaches. Don’t laugh. It is true. I was then some five year old and we were playing hide and seek. I went into the store room at my friend’s place. The hiding place was cool and nice, little damp, never mind.I was so assured  of not being caught, that I lied down and fell asleep. When I woke up there were cockroaches all over me. I was not just frightened but angry, hated all insects cockroaches especially. From that time I am frightened of cockroaches, though I know I can just crush them with my shoes, slippers use various insect repellants. Still anytime I see a cockroach alarm bells ring and before I know fear rises.

When I was young i had this habit of reading and listening to horror stories. The books were always written pages out which ghosts never jumped out but when the story teller is good the ghosts seemed to be lurking behind the doors. Small children have this habit of running around never afraid of dark. So my mother had this habit of telling that beware perhaps those ghosts hiding behind the doors don’t attack you. I still remember I had this habit of checking behind the doors, a habit I still have to see that nobody has sneaked into our house as my son has this habit of leaving doors open. Slowly without anybody noticing I stopped venturing in the dark just to be sure that ghosts never gets me. My mother did not notice my fear but was happy that I became more manageable.

As I grew up I shed most of those fears but I still studiously avoid those ghost movies. I am not afraid of the dead as I have as a part of social service been involved in all sorts of work related with health and handling dead but those horror movies regarding ghosts is still a no no. I have ensured that my son for that matter is not ever afraid of something does not exist. My rational mind knows that there is nothing known as ghost but still that fear lurks inside me.

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